Coping with Holiday Stress: Managing Expectations & Setting Healthy Boundaries
*Clinical review by Dr. Arpan Parik
Winter is upon us, and with these cooler months comes the start of jingling bells and colorful displays as stores begin their holiday preparations and families start planning their end-of-year celebrations. While this may be the most festive time of year, it’s not always the cheeriest, especially for those who find themselves more stressed out than cheery around the holidays. If you need help coping with holiday stress, read on for tips on navigating the season and setting boundaries with friends and family.
Is Holiday Stress Normal?
In short, yes, it’s common to feel stress as we get closer to the holiday season, especially since that season seems to creep up on us earlier and earlier each year. Social media, magazines, television, all present ideas of what a “perfect” holiday looks like, from beautifully curated living rooms to home-cooked meals to decked-out special events. While these images may be inspiring to those who enjoy the holiday hustle and bustle, they bring undue levels of stress to others struggling with their physical and mental well-being.
If you find yourself dreading the festivities, counting the days until they’re over, and searching for tips on coping with holiday stress, then review this list, check it twice, and implement the ideas most helpful for your needs.
Remember What Really Matters
The holidays are a busy time of year. Lines are longer, traffic is heavier, paychecks get spent a little faster. It’s no wonder we feel more stressed out. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a step back and reflect on what matters most to you. Is it spending time with loved ones? Enjoying downtime by yourself? Attending holiday events with friends? Whatever it is, focus on the things that bring you joy, and find small ways to bring joy to others, such as offering a compliment.
Repeat: There’s No Such Thing as Perfect
It’s easy to set impossibly high standards for ourselves, especially during the holidays. Finding the perfect gift, setting up the perfect decorations, planning the perfect Christmas dinner – and then comparing yourself against others. Remember, imperfect is perfectly normal, and it’s okay to accept things as “good enough” so you can enjoy the moment, protect your mental health, and avoid unnecessary stress.
Respond with Kindness – to Yourself, and to Others
Kindness is a year-round act, but is especially important to remember during the holidays, when tensions are high and many may be going through similar difficult times, especially those who are alone or struggling with financial, mental health, or other struggles. Showing kindness benefits yourself and everyone around you, and such a seemingly small act of compassion can make a huge difference in both your life and someone else’s.
Rethink New Year’s Resolutions
“Make any resolutions this year?” is a question we hear all too often around December and January, and the stress of making and keeping resolutions can make what should be a joyful time of year feel like a burden. Don’t get caught up in the hype of New Year’s resolutions – part of being kind to yourself means setting attainable goals, allowing yourself room to step back and adjust those goals, and even not making a resolution at all.
Relax and Decompress
Between holiday parties, shopping the sales, decorating the house, helping the kids with festive projects, and other tasks that inevitably come up, finding time to take care of ourselves can feel impossible. Decompressing is an important part of coping with holiday stress. Take time each day to exercise, eat a healthy meal, enjoy a happy moment with loved ones, and get a good night’s sleep.
Protect Your Mental Health by Setting Boundaries
Now that you’re ready to face the holidays with tips on protecting your mental health, let’s review helpful boundary-setting examples when it’s time to put those tips into action.
Scenario --> Setting the Boundary
Family insists on visiting or planning events at your home --> “I’m taking time for myself this year and won’t be entertaining at home. Let’s meet up at [restaurant/venue] on that day instead.”
You anticipate arguments about politics, family matters, or other difficult subjects --> “I’m not going to engage on [topic] right now.” (walk away if the other person insists on continuing the discussion)
You’re being pressured to attend an event or stay longer than anticipated --> “I will be there at [X time] and stay for [Y time]. If this isn’t acceptable, I’m happy to stay home to avoid any unnecessary drama.”
You’re facing a volatile/angry/abusive family member or event attendee --> “I’m not going to engage in this conversation if you are going to raise your voice at me. We’re going to end this discussion now.”
Someone asks you for help when you are already overwhelmed --> “I would love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now. But thank you for thinking of me!”
Festivities are getting expensive and you’re asked to attend a party, purchase a gift, etc --> “That’s out of my budget, so I won’t be able to participate/contribute. Thanks for asking though!”
You’re pressured to drink at an event --> “No thank you. I’ve chosen not to drink for my health. This [water/soda/juice] is perfect!”
A seemingly well-meaning acquaintance comments on your appearance, eating habits, or other personal attribute --> “No, I’m not going to talk about [my body/personal life]. This is not up for discussion.”
Someone keeps changing the details of a previously planned engagement --> “Let’s stick to the plan we’ve agreed to. I’m not comfortable changing things at this point.”
You’re asked to handle multiple tasks and are feeling overwhelmed --> “I only have the capacity to help with [X, Y, or Z.] Which one of these tasks would you like me to complete, and which would you like to handle?”
Someone attempts to make you feel guilty about a boundary --> “I understand you’re disappointed, but I need you to respect my decision.”
You’ve set the boundary but the other person keeps pushing --> “I need you to respect my decision and not continually challenge it. If you can’t, we will be ending this conversation.”
It can feel awkward or uncomfortable to set and stick to boundaries in the beginning, but the more you make them, the more in control you will be.
Reach out When You Need Help
Take care of yourself this festive season so you can enjoy a brighter, merrier holiday. If you find yourself struggling with self-care and unable to cope with stress around the holidays, asking for help is just one way you can show kindness to yourself.
SOL Mental Health is here to guide you through the difficult months, whether that’s talking through anxiety or depression, overcoming past traumas that surface this time of year, or setting boundaries in preparation of a busy schedule. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.
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Resources
4 Mindful Tips to Destress This Holiday Season | Johns Hopkins Medicine
Tips for Managing Holiday Stress | NAMI
