How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship
Toxic relationships aren’t healthy for anyone, but simply leaving one can be difficult, and sometimes even dangerous. These difficulties can lead to isolation, intense stress and anxiety, and even fear of leaving. Read on for tips on how to safely leave a toxic relationship while protecting your mental health.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
First, let’s define what, exactly, a toxic relationship is, and what it means to be in one. A toxic relationship is one that causes harm to an individual’s physical health and/or mental or emotional well-being. It can be a romantic, platonic, or familial relationship. A person perpetuating a toxic relationship may exhibit unhealthy patterns of behavior, including manipulation, dishonesty, control, or a lack of respect, while someone on the receiving end often ends up feeling drained or devalued.
Key signs of a toxic relationship include:
- Controlling behavior
- Lack of communication
- Verbal or emotional abuse
- Manipulative behavior
- Unbalanced power dynamics
- Dishonesty
How Do I Know If I’m in a Toxic Relationship?
You may recognize some of these signs, or be feeling the effects of them after time. If you feel any of the below, you might be in a toxic relationship:
- Regularly blamed for things out of your control
- Isolated from loved ones
- Consistently disrespected or criticized
- Manipulated or gaslit
- Mentally or even physically drained every day
Tips for Leaving a Toxic Relationship
Tell Them How You Feel
This may be the hardest but most important part of beginning to exit a toxic relationship: sharing your feelings. It’s important to tell the person with whom you are in a toxic relationship how you feel. Expressing such feelings is difficult, and how you do it will depend on a variety of factors.
It’s important to explain how you feel in a way that isn’t accusatory. Further blaming a person in a toxic relationship for things they’ve done won’t help. Explain how you felt in the relationship, but limit it to your response to things. Avoid saying “You did this” and instead say, “I felt like this.”
Note that physical, sexual, or emotionally abusive relationships need to be left immediately. However, if the other person is prone to anger or violence, do not engage them in person. Telling that person how you feel can and should be done from a safe distance, after you’re safely away from that person. In these cases, write down how you feel and send it to them – a text message, a letter, whatever’s comfortable for you.
Regardless of the type, toxic relationships of most natures are very difficult to mend. Exiting safely requires you to clearly express that you wish to end the relationship. Be clear and firm.
Ask for Help
No matter what type of toxic relationship you’re looking to end, be it a romantic, familial, or social relationship, you’re going to need support. Talk to your friends, family, or therapist, and be open. It’s common for a person in a toxic relationship to obscure the reality of their relationship from friends and family. Open up your communication and talk to a person you can depend on for advice, support, and accountability.
It’s not easy to talk about these things, but having a person on your side in this difficult time is indispensable. A good friend or therapist can also help you further on in the process of exiting a toxic relationship as well.
Stick to It
Now that you’ve exited the relationship, you need to make sure you stay out of it. One of the main reasons a person stays in a toxic relationship is their ability to see the good while overlooking the bad when it’s convenient. This means that in time, you may miss the person with whom you had a toxic relationship. It’s only natural to miss someone you had an intense connection with, but going back to that person is not healthy. This is where that support structure can come in handy again. Those people you shared your feelings with, the ones you counted on for advice and support in the early stages of exiting the relationship, can help hold you accountable. They can help to remind you of why you left in the first place when all you can think about is going back.
Remember, you didn’t decide to end your toxic relationship overnight. You planned, you shared, you made up your mind after considering the other options. Commit to that decision, and don’t go back. You’ll be happier for it, even if it hurts at first.
Leave Potential Danger
Exiting a toxic relationship is very difficult, and it can be unsafe. If you feel or know that you’re in physical danger with a person, leave immediately. Do not make a list of pros and cons. Don’t try to confront your abuser in person. Extract yourself from violent situations before things escalate. Get out, and then focus on healing. Nobody deserves abuse of any form, and recognizing this might take some work after a particularly toxic relationship. Give yourself time, but do not hesitate to leave a person who makes you feel unsafe.
Seek Professional Help
Professional help in the form of individual counseling can be greatly useful when recovering from a toxic relationship. You can learn how to forge better, healthier relationships and explore what made the previous relationship toxic. Making sense of what went wrong and how to avoid the same thing going forward is much easier with a therapist on your side.
Contact SOL Mental Health to Start Healing
Toxic relationships aren’t good for either party involved, and exiting them is usually the only right choice. If you are ready to exit a toxic relationship or need help moving on, call us at SOL Mental Health today. Our mental health professionals are ready to help.
